17. I believed I was in control
I knew I lacked the experience, strength, and hope to succeed. Taking the first step, had me face the music I was avoiding. Admitting I was powerless is when the healing began.
When I tell myself that, “I’ll start tomorrow.” I know that I’m giving myself an excuse, I know I’m feeding something that’s not adding value. Life is going to keep moving forward, even if I don’t move forward with it. If I stand still, then I’m not growing. If I’m not working on my program, I start “rounding down” with everything as well.
In my addiction I avoided responsibility, I chased after money, and I wasn’t making healthy decisions to get there. Yet I believed I was in control of my addiction, but my addiction had control of me. Trying to ‘control’ addiction, for me was switching from Beer to light Beer, from trying to moderate my consumption. In reality I was spiraling out of control, but in a slow moving car headed for rock bottom.
I knew I couldn’t keep the lifestyle I was living. I knew I needed help, but I didn’t know what that looked like, and I was too afraid to ask. I knew I lacked the experience, strength, and hope to succeed. Taking the first step, had me face the music I was avoiding. Admitting I was powerless is when the healing began.
Gratitude of the day: I’m thankful that my higher power challenges me, but also gives me the strength, and humility to persevere.
Action of the day: Today I will share with a close friend what I’m working on.